When I first did my Arhatic Prep-2 class in 2009, arhatic meditation completed and the teacher asked if anyone would like to share their inner experiences they had while meditating. It was a huge class of some 200+ people. Almost 10 people shared their experiences. One person said he saw the vision of Ramakrishna Paramahamsa. Another person said he saw blue color. Another said he saw peacock feathers. And, there I was, sitting depressed because I just slept through out my meditation and I had none of these experiences.I thought I am the least spiritual person on this planet and all the people who shared these visions were great.I even thought meditation is not my cup of tea.
As my journey continued with meditation, there came a point where I suddenly started getting many visions. I could see colors, saints,Gods,lotuses and what not. I was very elated and naively thought I achieved something great. For sometime, I had illusions that I progressed to a great heights in spirituality because I started seeing all these visions.And after some time, it was all blank and I got no visions. I started missing my visions and craved for them but nothing came and again I thought I lost my spiritual progress.
This cycle continued. Some days, I had lot of visions and some days none. One day, I was casually telling about my experiences to a person. I told this person about my various visions and this person said something might be psychologically wrong with me. That was a shock to me and I was very surprised.Someone else said I was an emotional person and that’s why I got these visions. Someone said something might be wrong with me and that’s why I got these visions. Some people admired me for my visions and inner experiences. Some people felt bad that they did not get any of these visions. Some people were neutral.
All these different reactions about visions confused me greatly and I did not know what to interpret . Should I feel happy or sad? Should I crave for them or reject them? Is something wrong with me?What is the truth? On top of this confusion, some of my visions did not make any sense to me and I did not know what to interpret about them. Another question that troubled me was – Am I imagining all my visions? Am I creating my own stories?
My book study helped me greatly when I was going through this confusion about visions. I read various books written by saints and yogis and finally came to below understanding about visions.
1.There is nothing wrong in getting visions. It is not an indicator of psychological imbalance.
2.There is nothing great about getting visions. It is not some special boon or power to given someone.It does not make a person special or extraordinary.
3.Getting visions or not getting visions is not at all an indicator of one’s spiritual progress or the effectiveness of meditation. One’s spiritual progress is reflected in their day to day life like how less angry they are becoming or how kind they are becoming or how harmonious their relationships are in life.
4.There is nothing to desire about visions. Not everyone gets visions and that’s perfectly fine.
5.There is nothing to be afraid of visions.
I understood that the right attitude towards visions is neutral attitude . I read in one book where a disciple asks his Guru a question like – “Guru, I am experiencing visions in your presence. Are all my visions and inner experiences just imaginations of my mind?” The Guru replied something like – “How does that matter? If your inner experiences help you become a better person, even if its an imagination of your mind, its still a great experience.”
This Guru’s answer helped me understand that spiritual progress of a person does not depend on getting or not getting visions but it depends on how a person uses the visions. Do these visions make a person more kind? Do they make the person more humble? Do they teach the person discipline?Do they help a person develop faith in God?
Once I read this Guru’s answer, all my fears and doubts about visions vanished and I became a free person. Since then, I learnt to view my visions neutrally and questioned – “whats the lesson to learn from this vision?” On the days I did not get any visions,I was perfectly fine and did not wonder what happened to my visions.
After I gained this perspective, I did not feel guilty or egoistic about seeing visions.I did not crave for them. I was not carried away by them. I did not doubt them.They just became my teachers who taught me whatever I needed to learn in my life at that point of time and evolve into a better person. And I did not ask others about the meaning of these visions.
It took me many many years to understand that spirituality is not about getting visions or siddhis or performing miracles or reading other people’s minds . Spirituality is all about becoming a better human being who is kind and loving, disciplined,intelligent,humble and working for the benefit of self and others. Its about forgiving others. Its about living life with inner peace and joy. Its beyond visions and clairvoyance.
Thank you my dear Guru for everything. Thank you for sending me to right books and right people.Thank you my mentors Ruchi Sanjil for being my two angels on this path of spirituality.Thank you all my spiritual buddies and especially my husband who listened to my visions.Thank You my dear husband for not doubting or ridiculing my visions even once. Thank you for your patient listening.
Sarve Jana Sukhino Bhavanthu