Some months back, I was talking to an 8-year-old child. She was angry that her mother has beaten her and she was complaining to me. Her mother is also beside her. She did not stop the child from complaining. I felt happy that mother gave the child enough freedom to vent out her emotions(this is rare). I listened to the child’s complaint and our conversation went as below.
I– I understand your pain. Do you know my mother also beat me when I was a child?
Child– Your mother is a bad person. (She was angry with my mother also).
I– My mother was going through a lot of stress and she did not know how to handle it. So, she beat me. Do you still think she is bad?
She– (She took time time to answer)She is not bad. You know, I eat ice cream when I am stressed. Your mother could have eaten ice cream.
I-She was poor and struggling for money. She did not have enough money to buy ice cream.
She-Oh.(She softened by now).
I– So your mother may be also going through some stress like my mother and she beat you. She is not a bad person. She is stressed. Do you agree?
The child thoughtfully said ok.
In a few minutes of conversation, emotions of the child went from negative to neutral. This happened due to understanding.
Understanding can add great value to our life. Here are 7 benefits of understanding.
- Reduces anger: When we understand the root cause of the behaviour of others, anger reduces. Many times, we become angry because we take it personally. But when we start understanding, we realize that the way others behave has nothing to do with us. Maybe, it’s their habit. Maybe, it’s their inability to handle stress. Maybe, they carry some fears.
- Brings empathy: Understanding helps us to empathize with others. We can clearly see why they behave in a certain way and empathize with them.
- Makes us less judgemental: We judge others too quickly. But when we understand, we judge less.
- Brings peace: In many scenarios, it’s not the situations that determine our emotions. It is the way we look at the situation that creates anger, sadness, or peace. If we bring understanding into the picture, we can be more peaceful irrespective of how others behave.
- Relationships improve: When we understand others, due to law of karma, other people also start understanding us and relationships start improving.
- Makes forgiveness easier: It was not easy for me to forgive my mother. Of course, I liked and admired her but I was also angry with her for beating me in childhood. It took me a lot of time to forgive my mother wholeheartedly because I lacked the understanding that she was stressed out as a young widow and she did not have the tools like I have today. She was not empowered. My forgiveness journey would have been easier if I understood her. Understanding makes it easy to forgive others. ( By the way, beating a child will NOT transform the child. Additionally, it reduces the self-esteem and confidence of a child and also brings the negative karma of injuring a helpless and defenceless child. By beating a child, we sow the negative karma of being beaten in the future. )
- Empowers us to use the right tools and solutions: When we understand people or situations, we can identify the root cause and this will help us use the right solution to address the problem. For example, if someone is lazy and tired all the time, we are too quick to judge the person as lazy. But when we understand that being lazy all the time is a symptom of vitamin deficiency or thyroid imbalance, we will suggest the person to get the medical tests done. So, understanding helps us go to the root of the problem and address it.
How to build understanding? Things may not be always clear and sometimes, we are clueless. Here are some tools and ideas that will help you build understanding.
- Asking the question – why? (like why is someone angry, undisciplined or violent, or habitual liar?). When we start asking why and keep searching ,Universe will send us the answers.
- Basic trust that other people are good but they have their own limitations, fears, inhibitions, and past programs carried from many lifetimes.
- Regular practice of Wellness Meditation.(or higher meditations taught in Inner Alchemy Yoga)
- Learning TEH Level 1, TEH Level 2, and TEH Level 3 courses(Psychotherapy).
- Regular practice of self-healing(the clearer our chakras are, the greater our understanding is).
- Trust in the divine plan that there is a reason behind everything that is happening in our life.
- Study of the Scriptures like Bhagavad Gita, Bhagavatham, Ramayanam, etc. These books provide us with valuable insights.
- Study of the human mind and human behaviour.
Understanding can bring peace and acceptance into our lives. May we all build understanding and lead a peaceful life. May the divine guide us from the darkness of ignorance to the light of understanding.
Sarve jana sukhino bhavanthu!
-Contributed by Geethanjali Balachander