Sometimes, we cannot understand life and its happenings. In 2012, I had one such happening and I could not accept it. I went into deep depression and felt suicide is the best solution. But I did not have the courage to commit suicide.Before this phase of my life, I used to judge people who committed suicide. When I heard or read a news that someone committed suicide, I used to casually say as if I understood their situation – “How can someone be so foolish to die for such reasons? They are totally irresponsible”. How easy it is to judge others!Now when life put me in a tough situation, I wanted to commit suicide.
I knew scriptures said that life after suicide will be terrible and soul suffers a lot. I knew my near and dear ones will be deeply hurt by my action. I knew its not right to commit suicide. Yet, I wanted to die. Logic did not work over my emotions.Many times, I wished I died in some accident or earth quake. I did not have any hope or desire for my future. I spent my entire day in sadness and crying. I could not concentrate on my work. Before this incident, I was a normal person who loved life and enjoyed various pleasures life offers. But now, nothing gave me joy.
Books,music,nature,movies,TV,parents,friends,relatives – nothing/none could help me overcome this state of depression. I did not want to live and I did not have the courage to commit suicide. So I was stuck not knowing what to do.
I did Pranic healing and Arhatic Yoga in 2009 but I did not practice any of the teachings. I did not remember the teachings of Pranic Healing and Arhatic Yoga in 2012 but I remembered my mentors. My mentors were/are my role models and i was/am in great admiration of them.So I sent them a mail about my problem. They suggested me to do Meditation on Twin Hearts(MTH) for 3 months
I was very much hurt by their suggestion. I thought they would do some healing or magic for me and fix my problem. Instead of fixing my problem, they suggested me to do MTH. I thought they did not have kind heart and I lost all my admiration for them after their suggestion. But since I did not have any other alternative,I started MTH. I finished 102 days of MTH without a break for even one day and by the time I completed, below are the changes in me
1.I was free of depression
2.I was free of suicidal tendencies
3.I became joyful
4.I enjoyed my life
5.A miserly person like me started tithing(tithing is donating 10% of income)
This transformation in me surprised me. I was amazed by the power of these teachings and decided to take the teachings seriously.I also felt deep gratitude to my mentors for not fixing my problem. I understood that because they are kind and compassionate,they did not fix my problem. If they would have fixed it, I would have not practiced the teachings.
Today,I am very grateful for the instance which made me think of suicide. Thanks to that instance, i explored spirituality deeper and I discovered many new things about life. I found my Guru and practiced my Guru’s teachings. This instance gifted me a new life and made my life more beautiful. I am also glad and very grateful that I did not commit suicide because if I would have committed suicide, I would have missed so many joy’s of life and would have lost many opportunities.
If anyone is going through suicidal tendencies, Please practice Meditation on Twin Hearts for 100 days. You will definitely find a way out of your current situation.Even Maa Sita(the wife and life of Lord Rama) and Lord Hanuman(physically and mentally strong person gifted with many boons) too thought of suicide and they found a way out. Like them, we can also find a way through MTH and live life with great joy
(Yesterday is Guru Poornima – a great day to remember Guru and offer gratitude,respect,love at the lotus feet of Guru. When I think of my Guru, I feel very happy and grateful. Without my Guru’s teachings, I cannot even imagine my life. He is the rainbow of my black and white life.
Thank You Guru for blessing my life with your teachings and grace. If not for you, I would have lived life watching serials and movies on TV, facebook, youtube. If not for you, I would have struggled with relationships. If not for you,I would have lived my life without any purpose. If not for you, I would have spent my days in gossiping about others. If not for you, I would have been stuck in deep depression for my entire life. I owe my happiness and my life to you. Oh Guru – my Kamadhenu and Kalpavruksha! Please fulfill my wish to practice your teachings regularly, properly, effortlessly)